Receive an e-mail notification of new posts on this site:
|
|
|
WritersNotes.Net: Helping Writers Follow Their Dreams Through Information, Inspiration, and Encouragement!
This post is a reprint of a piece I originally wrote as a guest post for Michele Tune at Writing the Cyber Highway. Some of you may remember that it first appeared there on June 2, 2008. Hope you'll enjoy it--and hope it will give you some helpful tools you can use to find--or generate--the motivation to write.
Motivation to Write: Is There a Magic Formula?
When You Don’t Feel Like Writing
How do you motivate yourself to write when you don’t feel like writing? How do you convince yourself to get down to business when you’d rather do anything but?
Have you ever had those days when you just can’t seem to face the prospect of writing that article that’s coming due, that query letter you know you should write, or that blog post that will remind your readers that you haven’t fallen off the face of the earth…that you’re not only still around but that you’re actually still interested in sharing your wit and wisdom with them? (I thought so!) You want to write, but you just can’t seem to make yourself do it.
Lack of Motivation: A Common Problem
Every writer struggles with these feelings from time to time—many of us quite often. And for bloggers and other online writers who work from home, life can be particularly distracting, as we’re continually bombarded not only with the household responsibilities that continually beckon, but also with the many available—and attractive—alternatives to working.
Such tempting activities as commenting on other blogs, visiting social media sites, checking our site stats, looking for nifty high-tech tools for our web pages, reading unrelated but interesting content during our online research, and any number of other enjoyable and otherwise productive activities often only serve to intensify our motivation problem and derail us from our efforts to fulfill our writing responsibilities.
What’s a Writer to Do?
The most important thing is to realize that motivation is a state of mind. It can come from many sources. Some of them follow.
The Writer’s Most Common Motivation Sources
Enthusiasm
When we’re feeling really enthusiastic about a project, don’t we find it so much easier to throw ourselves into completing it—even when the project itself is difficult or involved? If you can work up the enthusiasm to actually relish the prospect of writing about your topic, you will have won a great victory.
To do that, try taking your focus off the negative aspects of the project and focusing, instead, on something positive about the piece—something you can actually enjoy about it. If the subject matter itself doesn’t interest you, try focusing on a specific writing technique that you’ve mastered which you’re particularly proud of and which you plan to use for the piece.
If need be, you can even focus on a favorite writing tool, some physical part of the writing process that you enjoy, or the satisfaction you receive from your excellent spelling ability, extensive vocabulary, fantastic research skills, or even the way your well-formatted work looks on the page. A little enthusiasm will go a long way toward helping you thrive on the journey ahead, making it so much easier to reach your destination.
Interest
When we’re interested in our topic, writing about it grips our attention, draws us into our content, and keeps us going. It causes time to fly by, making us wonder where it could have gone. Interest can fuel the energy that helps us build momentum, spurring us on toward the realization of our writing goals.
If you’re able to pick and choose your projects so you’re only required to write about topics that interest you, great! You’ll have a much easier time motivating yourself to complete your writing assignments. But, if not, try finding something about the project that captures your interest—even if it takes a stretch of the imagination to discover it. It will be well worth the effort!
If the project itself doesn’t hold any fascination for you, try asking yourself a few questions. Will publishing this piece open your work up to a wider audience, giving you greater exposure? Will it place you before a new demographic or offer you a coveted spot in a brand new niche? Will it add to your credibility as a writer and/or as an expert in your current niche or genre? Will it allow you to showcase your work to prospective new clients? Will it open new doors of opportunity for you in other areas either related or unrelated to writing? These are all great reasons for feeling motivated about your writing project!
Inspiration
Inspiration sweeps us high above the mediocrity of our surroundings, activating our imaginations and infusing us with a power that makes expressing our thoughts via the written word practically effortless. Don’t we just adore the times when we’re fortunate enough to function under the tutelage of this most welcome influence? When it strikes, we see everything in a brand new light, and that helps us rise to bold new heights of creativity. Yet, when inspiration tarries, we often become discouraged.
At times like these, we need to generate a little inspiration of our own. One way we can do this is through the vehicle of high and noble thoughts. Focusing on our ideals and on the meaningful messages we hope to convey to our readers through our writing can jump-start the inspiration process. We can also inspire ourselves through the purposeful recall of vividly meaningful memories, of people we’ve known and loved or joys we’ve experienced. Or we can generate inspiration through the intentional act of surrounding ourselves with beauty. Stirring music, beautiful art, a lovely garden, a distinctively decorated writing nook—all these can help us create an atmosphere that’s conducive to inspiration. And all these can help us motivate ourselves to write.
Reward
The expectation of reward can be another excellent motivator. The reward might be a tangible one like money or an intangible one like recognition. It can even be something as simple—yet sensational—as the sense of satisfaction or feeling of fulfillment we derive from our writing. Just knowing that our work will help someone or that someone will enjoy it can bring its own reward, strengthening our motivation to complete a project.
And though money can often be a great motivator, we sometimes feel we aren’t receiving sufficient compensation for our work—particularly in the web-writing arena, where the going rates tend to be lower—and this can have a demotivating effect on us. That’s why it’s so important not to overlook the intangible rewards—to allow them to provide the impetus to keep us moving forward.
The Role of Attitude in Motivation
We need to realize that we are responsible for our own attitudes. We choose our own thoughts, as well as the lens through which we view the world. We can choose to see our project as a problem—a burden that’s been thrust upon us and one that we must grit our teeth and struggle through, hating every minute of it. Or we can decide to think differently about it—to remain positive and proactively seek ways to make it more than just another piece of writing.
Sometimes it takes sheer willpower to motivate ourselves to write, but I’m convinced that we can make a conscious decision to throw ourselves into our project. (In fact, I know we can, because I’ve proven it to myself again and again in my own writing.) We can make our writing a real extension of who we are, infusing it with that spark of personality, talent, expertise, imagination, and careful craftsmanship that only we can provide, making it a piece we can be proud to write—even if it’s a project that wouldn’t otherwise move us.
The Writer’s Last Resort
When all else fails, we may need to put a popular anti-procrastination technique to work and just do it, trusting that the motivation will follow as we gradually enter into our project. At times like these, it helps to remember that the ability to write when we don’t feel like it—when the intrinsic motivation, interest, enthusiasm, and inspiration escape us—is what separates the professional from the amateur.
And that knowledge alone can serve as our last-ditch motivator—because it’s a truth that carries its own reward.
Happy writing!
Jeanne
Note: I will resume my Guide to Polished Writing shortly.
Did you enjoy this post? Have anything to add? Any motivational techniques of your own you'd like to share with us? We'd love to hear them!
Please note: If the StumbleUpon and other social bookmarking buttons aren't visible, please click the "Add Comments" link beneath this post. Thanks!
Shared on
What Our Writing Is Made Of
Writing is a discipline that calls upon so many experiences, influences, facts, ideas, and emotions that it can be difficult to measure the effect of each of these on the literary whole. Because each of our lives, personalities, relationships, and outlooks differ so drastically, our own particular writing style, our tone, content, and insights tend quite naturally to reflect these personal values and combine to create the unique voice that is “us.”
Life Lessons Enrich Our Writing
Everyone and everything we encounter in life has a lesson in it—if we will only look for it. Sometimes that lesson will be glaringly obvious and sometimes buried a bit farther beneath the surface of our experience or our consciousness. Yet, it’s always there patiently waiting for us to discover its wisdom and apply it to our lives, increasing their richness. Only after we’ve done that can we apply that hard-won wisdom to our writing, one lesson at a time, and in that way pass it on to those for whom we write.
Some of My Own Lessons
Here are some lessons I’ve learned* during the course of my life:
School can be a place of real growth—yet not all learning happens there. Or perhaps it might be better said that “school” is everywhere.
Writing gives us the incredible privilege of speaking into the lives of other people. When our readers invite us in and attend to our words, it is we who receive the greater reward.
Children playing outside my window as I work remind me that laughter, simplicity, and chalk-pictures drawn all over the sidewalks of our lives bring a fresh, new perspective to an often inflexible grown-up world.
Television can be an insufferable distraction or a relaxing respite from overwork. At the same time, it can spark new ideas and increase knowledge. It’s up to each of us how we use it.
Recreation is an absolute necessity for a balanced life and an uninterrupted flow of inspiration. It rejuvenates us, recharges our batteries, replenishes our zeal, and renews our zest for life. Like the law of gravity, we ignore this truth to our own detriment.
Relatives shape our lives in so many ways; yet what we become is ultimately up to us. And the manner in which we use the lessons learned from our family ties determines who we will become and what we’ll have to offer those who later enter our lives.
Movies can affect us in powerful ways when artfully produced, touching our core, stirring noble emotions, and spurring us on to greater creativity. Classic movies often do this for me.
Friends help us feel better about ourselves than we think we should, building our confidence and helping us believe that we can accomplish our hearts’ desires—no matter what anyone else may think. They’re always in our corner, helping us fight the next round in the battle of life.
Heroes come in all shapes and sizes, colors, ages, and abilities—or disabilities. And the majority never receive the recognition they deserve. Yet, we are watching, and they profoundly affect our lives, giving us greater courage to face our own challenges and showing us that doing so is always well worth the effort.
Planes prove to us that we can do the impossible, that mankind—born without wings—can still soar high into the skies on wings powered by the science of aerodynamics, defying the laws of gravity, or by the magic of inspiration, defying the limits of mere logic.
Food of the physical, mental, and spiritual variety is necessary for health of body, mind, and spirit. Yet the single area where we seem to indulge most is the physical, though copious amounts of this type of food contribute the least of any of the three to our creativity.
Pets bring us pleasure and companionship and so often teach us the meaning of unconditional love, loyalty, and trust. Life with our pets is straightforward and uncomplicated, without the emotional complexity that so often plagues human relationships. When we bond with a beloved pet, we receive more than we give.
Trains are virtually unstoppable—as long as they remain on track. They teach us that we, too, will be unstoppable if we maintain our focus, build momentum, stay on track, and keep our eyes on the destination ahead.
Time marches incessantly forward, waiting for nothing, relentlessly passing, and quietly but powerfully leaving its mark on everything within its massive sphere of influence. It reminds us that nothing ever remains as it was, that life is dynamic, that we either grow or decay, improve or regress, move forward or backward with every passing day.
Space symbolizes freedom, the ability to move about without restraint—within as well as without. It represents our ability to break the self-imposed emotional bonds that constrain us and keep us imprisoned within their invisible yet powerful walls—and almost irresistibly beckons us to do so.
Automobiles represent convenience, mobility, “shorter” distances between people and between people and places. They narrow the gap that nature has placed in our path and help us to use the freedom of space to our greatest advantage. Our psychological “automobiles” are any of the things that minimize the relational “gaps” between people—things like understanding, respect, courtesy, love, and forgiveness.
Technology teaches us the vastness of human potential, promising not only future discoveries by the geniuses of the world for the improvement of our lives but also the virtually limitless nature of our own personal discoveries, our own as yet unrealized possibilities. It also connects us to people, products, information, and services in ways we’ve never connected before, enriching us in the process.
Mountains remind us that, though life isn’t always easy, it’s beautiful, glorious, majestic, and wholly worthwhile; and as long as we keep on climbing, we always have a chance of reaching the top.
Keep learning...climbing...and writing!
Jeanne
This post is my entry to the Middle Zone Musings What I Learned From…Mashing It Up! group writing project.
* Just to clarify: The 18 areas in which I've discussed my lessons learned were not chosen by me, but were the 18 fascinating topics Robert Hruzek dreamed up especially for this WILF mashup.
Did you enjoy this post? Have anything to add? Care to share any lessons you've learned along the way? We'd love to hear them!
Please note: If the StumbleUpon and other social bookmarking buttons aren't visible, please click the "Add Comments" link beneath this post. Thanks!
Shared on
A Few Comments Worth Repeating
The following information is adapted from a few comments I recently wrote here at Writer's Notes about online fraud. These comments expanded on the info presented in one of my earlier posts on the topic. I've decided to turn them into a post in their own right, because I believe this information is critical for everyone who uses the internet and e-mail to know--and since writers often use online payment processing services, such as PayPal, we must be particularly aware that we don't get scammed. (Many--if not most--people don't tend to read all the comments on a blog post, which means that most Writer's Notes readers have not had the benefit of reading this information.)
How to Tell When You're On a Spoof Website
Once on a website, if you right-click the webpage you're on and then click "Properties," you'll learn two things:
First, you'll learn the actual URL of the website--regardless of what they may have done to hide or manipulate it to make it seem like another site. (Note: The PayPal site's "Properties" window shows that the site is in fact PayPal, because it shows the authentic PayPal URL.)
Second, you'll learn whether or not the internet connection to the site is encrypted. If it isn't encrypted, it's not a secure site and therefore cannot be the real PayPal website. (Try this by right-clicking this Writer's Notes webpage. You'll see the exact URL--in this case the URL to this particular blog post--and you'll also see that this site's connection is not encrypted.)
Aside from the "Properties" window, another way to tell whether you're on a secure site is that the lock icon will appear in the status bar at the bottom of the web page. This is the only lock-icon location that indicates a secure site. If this icon is found anywhere else on the page, it means nothing. (Of course, it's possible that it could be found elsewhere on the page in ADDITION to the status bar--which is in fact the case with PayPal. But, if it's found ONLY on the web page and NOT in the status bar, the site is not secure.)
Apparently, some online con artists remove the status bar entirely to prevent visitors from noticing that the lock icon is missing. They then place an image of a lock somewhere on the web page to give the site a false air of legitimacy and security.
These things are so important for writers--and others--to know!
How to Avoid Phishing E-Mails
These cyber scammers are becoming more sophisticated, and it's definitely becoming more and more difficult to tell that their e-mails and websites are not the "real deal." But, there are ways to tell, and we can only do our best to educate others, hopefully helping to prevent them from becoming the prey of such dishonest individuals.
We must always be on our guard wherever online financial transactions are concerned--and of course, whenever we receive any e-mail that claims to relate to any type of financial transaction. It's absolutely crucial never to click a link in an e-mail that claims that it will take you to a website where you'll be able to complete any sort of "secure" financial transaction or where you're expected to "update" your personal information. I always pass my cursor over the link to see where it would have taken me before I DON'T click on it! Even if it appears legit, I visit the site via my web browser, instead of by clicking the link. If it doesn’t appear legit, I avoid it like the plague—and you should, too.
How to Tell When You’re About to Be Redirected to Another Website
In the case of unfamiliar web addresses that you type into your browser or copy and paste there, if you'll pass your cursor briefly over the "Go" button or arrow before clicking, you'll be shown the web address that you'll actually be taken to if you click "Go." (I learned this quite by mistake one day. I'd never noticed it before.) This is extremely valuable in cases where clicking a certain URL is actually designed to redirect you to an entirely different web address, hiding the fact that you aren't actually going to the website that you think you are.
(In the case just mentioned, I had actually been redirected to a site which supposedly sold cheap cigarettes. Maybe it was legit; maybe not. But I can't help but wonder why they would have needed to masquerade as an affiliate tool website in order to force traffic to their site if they were indeed honest businesspeople.)
There are many tools at our disposal that can help us to avoid being the victims of online fraud. But, we need to be informed that they exist and how we can best use them to protect ourselves and our vital personal information.
But, of course, knowing isn't enough. If we want to protect ourselves from online fraud, we have to take that knowledge and use it!
Stay safe,
Jeanne
Did you enjoy this post? Have anything to add? Any experiences to share? Any tips or tricks you know of for protecting ourselves from online fraud? We'd love to hear from you!
Please note: If the StumbleUpon and other social bookmarking buttons aren't visible, please click the "Add Comments" link beneath this post. Thanks!
Reprinted with permission by Brad Shorr, Word Sell, Inc.
Expectations, Expectations!
When you take on a writing assignment for a new client or begin a new contract-writing job for a company you haven't worked with before, do you sometimes feel the way the new hire in this cartoon must feel? Do you feel as if you're under pressure to perform, to shine, to live up to the client's (no doubt considerable) expectations for the piece or project you've signed on to? Though this feeling is very common, it does, thankfully, tend to decrease somewhat with time and experience. Yet, when it does strike, it can be very debilitating and not at all helpful to a writer's creativity.
From Triumph to Trepidation in 30 Seconds
When we're offered a writing assignment that we've taken the time, energy, and effort to pursue, the feeling can be exhilarating. Yet, often as not, that wonderful feeling of excitement and triumph over the accomplishment of successfully marketing ourselves and our writing skills immediately gives way to panic, as we suddenly realize that getting the assignment is only the beginning--that now we actually have to deliver the goods. That can be a frightening thought!
The Vulnerability of the Writer's Psyche
As writers, our work is tied in to our egos in a way that many other lines of work are not, because our writing represents us and it comes from within. To a great extent, we often feel that our personal value is tied up in our ability to write things that others will read, accept, enjoy, and gladly pay us for, which can place us in a very vulnerable position emotionally. It doesn't really matter what kind of writing we do--from short stories or novels, to article-writing, copywriting, SEO writing, or blogging--the effect is still the same. (Ghostwriting is one type in which this vulnerability may be slightly less potent, since no one but the client will know who wrote the piece. Yet, even then we can feel that twinge of fear that reminds us that perhaps the client won't think our creation worthy.)
What's a Writer to Do?
What can we do to overcome these debilitating emotions and help ourselves do the best job we can on every piece of writing we do--without turning into nervous wrecks?
Here are a few tips that might just help you the next time you're faced with these feelings:
1. Give yourself a pat on the back.
You got the assignment, contract, or project. That means the client believes in your ability to deliver a suitable and well-written finished product. It also says something about you: You were able to present yourself and your writing talents well enough--and likely in writing--to give the client confidence in you. This does represent a victory, so savor it. You have every right to. Don't spoil it by second-guessing your own ability to follow through on the promises made in your sales pitch. It's true that you have a great deal of work ahead of you, but that's only because you got the assignment!
2. Maintain confidence in your own ability.
You believed you could do the job when you applied for the assignment or contract. Don't let your faith in your writing ability waver now that the client agrees with you. Though you admittedly have a great responsibility ahead of you, you are a writer...this is what you do! Don't give in to doubt and fear. It's OK if a little fear is there; it can help motivate you for action. Just don't let it get out of hand, and determine to move forward and through it. A touch of doubt is acceptable, too, because it can help keep you humble, reminding you that, though you may be a good writer, you aren't the only good writer, and you were fortunate to receive this assignment. Again, don't let doubt get the better of you, though; instead, move beyond it.
3. Cheer yourself on.
Give yourself a pep talk. Remind yourself of all that you've accomplished in the past. Even if this is your first paid writing gig, you'll have some past (albeit unpaid) writing successes to remember--particularly if you're a blogger. Think about your natural skill set, and mentally list the traits that make you particularly suited for this job. Are you analytical, creative, research-oriented, prolific, expressive, engaging? This list will help prepare you for the project by reminding you of all that you have to offer, fueling your imagination, and motivating you for the task ahead. It will help get your mind off your doubts and fears and on the project, allowing you to focus your energies on developing a creative method for completing it.
4. Use your prep work to enter fully into your project.
Brainstorm, research, outline, visualize--in short, do whatever it takes to prepare yourself for the actual writing. Ponder your possible topic, angle, mood, tone, style, approach--all the things that will determine the form and direction of your piece. Seek inspiration anywhere you can find it. Search Google for ideas on what others have done with this topic. Visit blogs, article directories, or other websites with similar content. Look in books, magazines, or newspapers--either on- or off-line--and see what clicks. But remember that the important thing is that you fully enter into your project, that it engrosses all your mental faculties, including your imagination. You'll then have a firm foundation on which to create a real work of art--in whatever field, genre, or writing niche you may be targeting.
5. Jump right in...begin to write...and get in "the Zone."
If possible, tackle the project while motivation is high--in other words, soon after your pep talk. (There will, of course, be times when you'll be required, as a freelancer, to write whether you feel motivated or not; though even during those times, a positive attitude will go a long way toward building motivation for your required writing task.) The key here is to just get started. Once you've done your research, planning, organizing, outlining, brainstorming, or visualizing, it's time to get to work turning those raw materials into the beautiful piece of writing you know you can create. Often simply starting to write will begin creating a magic we couldn't have anticipated before we began. It helps to get us in "the Zone"--that creative place where nearly anything becomes possible.
6. Trust your instincts, and then craft the best piece you can.
Always do your best work--no matter how big or small the project or the client. Even when ghostwriting, always keep the quality of your work high. After all, though your ghost-written piece may not represent you to the world, it represents you to your client--and even more importantly, it represents your client to the world. If you're interested in a return engagement with this client, always make him or her look fantastic!
Instinct will tell you when you may be straying off the mark--and these instincts will grow and develop with time, practice, and experience. Always listen to the little inner voice that tells you something isn't right in your approach, because first instincts often turn out to be correct. (This doesn't mean you should listen to the voice that tries to tell you that you aren't good enough. That voice is counter-productive. It will never help you reach your writing goals and should always be ignored.) Create the best piece of writing you can, and then submit it to your client with confidence--and before deadline! (If asked for revisions, remember to always do them cheerfully.)
By following the above advice, you should have little trouble with the kind of feelings our friend in the above cartoon faces--because, for the writer, such feelings generally arise from insecurity, rather than reality.
Happy writing!
Jeanne
Acknowledgment: Many thanks to Brad Shorr, of Word Sell, Inc., for permission to use the above cartoon.
Did you enjoy this post? Have anything to add...any experiences of your own to share? We'd love to hear from you!
Please note: If the StumbleUpon and other social bookmarking buttons aren't visible, please click the "Add Comments" link beneath this post. Thanks!
My Entry to the Middle Zone Musings Group Writing Project
The following is my entry to the MZM "What I Learned From...People" group writing project. I thought this was a particularly appropriate time to post this story, since its topic is illness, which is something my family has become very intimately involved with of late. Be sure to check out the other entries to Robert's writing project once he posts the links tomorrow, Monday. (It's still Sunday here in America.) I'm sure you'll learn a great deal from everyone's shared wisdom!
A Great Concept to Explore
Though it's basically too late to enter the group project, you might nevertheless consider using Robert's "What I Learned From...People" concept as a writing prompt to exercise your writing "muscles." It's bound to foster some real insight as you explore the experience you choose to write about. And it goes without saying that this exercise would make a great blog post--even without entering it into the writing project. You might even use the idea as the basis for a magazine or online article about a person you've learned something from, and make a little money in the process.
My Entry
What I Learned From a Physician With an Atrocious Bedside Manner
People can be fantastic teachers—whether or not they actually intend to be!
A Very Sick Family
More years ago than I care to count, when my oldest child was about four years old or so, our entire family became very ill: Mom, Dad, and children numbers One, Two, and Three. That was a lot of sick people to have in one house, believe me! We had such bad coughs that we could barely sleep at night, and our stomach muscles were so sore from coughing that we thought we’d die if something wasn’t done about it soon.
We were too sick to go to the pharmacy, and being new in town, we didn’t have our own doctor yet. Well, between sneezes, wheezes, and coughing fits, I did a little research and managed to find a pharmacy that actually delivered. (That, in itself was a small miracle!) I then chose a doctor’s name from the phone book and called his office, prepared to beg, if need be, to get my family some much-needed medicine to help get us through this horrendous illness.
A Compassionate Medical Assistant
As it turned out, I didn’t have to beg. It was late in the day and apparently the good doctor had already left. But his friendly, helpful, and compassionate assistant happened to be working that afternoon. (And as I would later learn after actually meeting the doctor, that was, for us, a large miracle.) I explained our situation to him, and he was very concerned. He agreed to phone in a prescription to the pharmacy which would then deliver it to us. I thanked him profusely between sneezes. I could hardly believe our good fortune!
Soon we had our medicine and some much-needed relief. We were ecstatic (at least as ecstatic as you can be when you’re down for the count with the world’s worst cold.) But our joy was to be short-lived.
Complications
Soon, I noticed that my oldest son was developing an angry red rash all over his body, along with a frighteningly high fever. After putting him into the bathtub, splashing him with tepid water to bring down his temperature, and doing everything else humanly possible to make him comfortable, I consulted Dr. Benjamin Spock. (Well, not personally—but through his book, Baby and Child Care. While I never went in for his permissiveness “gospel,” his advice always did come in handy where my children’s physical health was concerned.)
Through that well-known paperback book, I soon discovered what was wrong with my son: he had scarlet fever! There was no question in my mind! It was obvious! At any rate, I knew we needed to visit the doctor. By that time, we’d used up all the cough medicine the doctor’s assistant had prescribed, and we were once again coughing uncontrollably and feeling quite miserable.
Doctor’s Visit
Who better to call than the doctor whose assistant had so kindly helped us, I thought. (It seemed to make sense at the time.) I was so naïve in those days that I even thought that carrying in the huge empty bottle that had once contained codeine cough syrup would somehow lend credence to our illness, since his assistant had seen fit to prescribe it for my terribly ill and suffering family. I couldn’t have been more wrong. (But I’m wiser today because of it.) However, I was hardly prepared for the reception and treatment I actually received when I arrived at this doctor’s office.
Contentious Diagnosis
On carrying my son into the examining room, I set him down on the examining table and said, “I think my son has scarlet fever,” to which the doctor unceremoniously replied something to the effect of, “I’ll be the one to tell you what he has.” (I was a bit taken aback by his unfriendly demeanor.) He seemed annoyed that I might actually know what was wrong with my son.
He examined him and guess what he had, folks: yes, it was scarlet fever; yet this doctor wasn’t about to leave it at that. He actually accused me of trying to tell him how to practice medicine. Can you believe it? (Now, mind you, I hadn’t walked in boldly declaring that I knew beyond any doubt what was wrong with my son—or what the doctor should do about it [other than bringing in the empty cough syrup bottle, foolish as that was]—but had actually quite meekly stated what I thought was wrong with him. And though I really was all but sure I was right, I didn’t come across that way—at least not to anyone with a normal-sized ego.)
Insult to Injury
To add insult to injury (and this physician epitomized that unpleasant offense), despite the fact that I was coughing right in front of him there in the office, he refused to refill the prescription for the cough syrup that actually worked and that would have saved us so much misery over the coming days, telling me in no uncertain terms that he was writing one for Robitussin, which would, of course, never work for a cough such as we had. (I know, it was partly my fault for handing him the empty cough syrup bottle; but I believe he should have known what medication was the correct one for the problem. And who writes a prescription for Robitussin, anyway?)
Attitude Is Everything
I also know something else: his attitude was uncalled for, and that wasn’t my fault. He was unfriendly, uncompassionate, judgmental, and (dare I say it?) unprofessional. That was a very stressful time for my family and me. I was concerned about my son and the rest of my still-sick family, I was still sick myself, and I didn’t even have enough money to take a cab back home (as I had on the way in) but would be spending the last of my money to catch the bus home with my very sick son, which promised to be a long and strenuous trip on the small-town bus system where the buses didn’t run very often. It was an ordeal I dreaded, as I sat there in his office, feeling quite forlorn. But, did he show any concern? None whatsoever.
Insult Number Two
Aside from all of the above, do you know what this doctor said to me, when I told him that I’d had to take a cab to his office—which was quite a distance from where we lived and which I certainly couldn’t afford. “Your son is worth it.” But this wasn't a compassionate statement spoken on behalf of my son; it was a judgmental barb meant to point out what a bad mother I must be for even mentioning it.
Perhaps I should say, in his defense, that he didn’t know that I couldn’t afford the cab fare I’d spent to get there or that I didn’t have enough money to take a cab back home and that I’d be spending my last few dollars to even return home on the bus. But somehow I don’t really think it would have mattered to him, because, you see, he’d already made up his mind about me; and for some reason that to this day I don’t really understand, he simply didn’t like me.
Painful Experiences Teach Us Lessons
This was a painful experience for me, in part because it’s always difficult to be misjudged and misunderstood by others and in part because it’s even more difficult to be mistreated, by them, as well. But I have learned a few things from the experience. Here they are:
1. First Impressions Count; Give Yours a Little Advance Thought
Think about the impression you will make upon a total stranger if you do or say the thing you’re planning. It may seem, from your perspective, to be fine. It may even seem to be the right thing. But it may not seem so right from the other person’s point of view, and may in fact cause the person—who, after all, doesn’t have the benefit of knowing you—to think less of you.
So, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see the situation as that person would. The exercise could prove quite revealing—and could save you untold misery. (Case in point: If I’d thought ahead about what it might look like to a doctor who didn’t know me to see me walk in with a large, empty codeine cough medicine bottle—that he had neither prescribed nor okayed—asking for a refill, I likely would have left the bottle at home.)
2. People Will Misjudge Your Motives; Explain Yourself
Those who don’t know you have nothing on which to base a judgment which attributes pure motives to your words or actions. They haven’t had the opportunity to learn to trust you, and therefore they will judge the things you say and do in a vacuum—well, not a complete vacuum, since, as we know, we all evaluate everything we see and hear through the filter of our own personal beliefs, experiences, and/or prejudices.
So, be prepared when people misjudge and misunderstand you, and do your best to act and speak in ways that will help to dispel those myths about your malevolent motives. This might include speaking up when necessary to explain some things that the other person may not understand about you or your circumstances (as in my concern about having spent most of the last of my money on cab fare to get my son to the doctor.)
3. Many People Are Prepared to Think the Worst of You; Prove Them Wrong
There actually are people who are constantly on the lookout for every negative thing they can discover—or dream up—about you and completely prepared to make the most of it at your expense. They may be arrogant, insensitive individuals with inflexible ideas who think they have a monopoly on wisdom and therefore have the world and everyone in it—you included—figured out.
Once they’ve made up their mind about you, they’ll sometimes go out of their way to be rude, sarcastic, and demeaning in their treatment of you, and you’ll have a tough time trying to convince them that they are wrong about you. Do, try, though. But, if the person is so inflexible that you’re simply unable to succeed, don’t take it to heart. (Easier said than done, I know.) But do your best to ignore it and move on. (In this case, I definitely took it to heart—and to be honest, it still hurts today, if I let it get the better of me.)
4. Experts/Professionals Do Not Always Enjoy Being Told Something by Common Folks; Ask, Don't Tell
Many professionals have quite large egos and can’t handle having us lowly peons take the wind out of their sails by informing them that we already knew what they’d hoped to impress us with by telling us themselves. Many—though by no means all—professionals, including doctors and lawyers, seem to believe that all their patients/clients are ignorant and uninformed about medicine or law, simply because they don’t have “MD” or “Esquire” after their names. This is too bad, as many of us engage in extensive research to learn what we need to know about our situations and are actually quite well-informed about these matters.
There’s little we can do with the egotistical professional, except perhaps speak our minds in a confident yet humble manner, deferring to their greater expertise, possibly by expressing our thoughts and concerns but asking their opinions. Should we disagree with their opinions, it would probably be best to do so through the roundabout route of asking questions rather than declaring our disagreement. Be prepared for the fact that this will not always work, though, in which case you may simply need to make that visit your last visit. (In my case, my first visit to this doctor was indeed my last.)
5. Be Thankful that Truly Unfriendly People Are in the Minority, And Appreciate the Friendly Ones
Meeting people like these always brings a greater appreciation for those who aren’t that way—or at least it should. It’s important to remember that while dealing with such abrasive and uncaring individuals is highly unpleasant, they are, thankfully, in the minority and our bad experiences with them can always be balanced against the good experiences we’ve had with other, more caring people (like the esteemed doctor’s compassionate young assistant who had stepped forward to help us when we were so badly in need of his help.)
Calling those more heartwarming experiences to mind more often, rather than dwelling on the heart-wrenching ones, can help renew our faith in our fellow man and counterbalance the great unpleasantness we’ve experienced in our dealings with the negative minority.
Hopefully, you've learned a few things along with me, as you've read my story of "What I Learned From...People".
Thanks so much for reading!
Jeanne
Did you enjoy this post? Have anything to add or any of your own wisdom-inducing experiences with other people to share? We'd love to hear from you!
The Perfect Group Writing Project to Cap 2007
I just had to get in on Robert Hruzek's end-of-year WILF (What I Learned From) group writing project, Blogapalooza: What I Learned From 2007. One reason was that I needed to make up for all the WILF's that I've missed over at Middle Zone Musings due to excessive busy-ness. I've felt bad about missing them, and I wanted to show Robert that I really do care. Another reason: This is a really fantastic project, bringing together the lessons learned by a whole spectrum of bloggers over the past year: What a wealth of wisdom is there for the taking for those who take the time to read this group of posts!
What Blogapalooza Is All About
The best way to explain to you what Blogapalooza is all about is to let Robert do it! So, without further ado...he-e-e-e-re's Robert!
Looking back at your archives for the year 2007, choose one post from every month you’ve been blogging that best represents a lesson learned. And you don’t have to use your old (should you *ahem* have any) WILF entries; it’s your choice (you can, of course; but you don’t have to).
So what was the most amazing, profound, surprising, whacky, etc. thing you learned in the month of March? How about July? Anything in October? Hey, you get to choose something different from each month! Now that’s a blogapalooza!
Here’s all you have to do (please notice the procedure is a bit different than usual):
1. Choose one post from every month you’ve been blogging in 2007. (For example, if you’ve been blogging all year, you get to choose up to 12; if only since July, choose up to 6. Got it?) Use whatever criteria you like: your favorite post, most commented upon, the funniest, most outrageous, or “what you thought was your best work but ended up being a huge flop”, etc.; hey, knock yourself out!
2. Write a sentence or two describing each post you’ve chosen and why. Don’t forget to include the post title and imbed a link to it (you may laugh at that instruction; but if I don’t spell it out, well…). Compile it all into a single article. Please (and if you want to) also include a few sentences about yourself and your blog (and again, don’t forget the link).
3. Choose how your entry gets posted (here’s where it gets fun!)
3.1. The Blogapalooza Way (sound of crowd cheering): Instead of posting it at your blog – allow me to host it for you right here at Middle ZoneMusings! Here’s how:
3.1.1. Send your post to me anytime (in .doc or .rtf format only – please don’t send a .pdf!) at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net right up until the end (operators are ‘standing by’) and I’ll post it here at the Zone, including all the links. (NOTE: I will edit if necessary, but as little as possible, and only to make you look better.)
3.1.2. So your readers know how to find your entry, post a notice (write a teaser, summary, whatever) at your blog and point to your entry here at Middle Zone Musings (I’ll provide the link for you).
OR -
3.2. The (ho-hum) Usual Way: Post your entry at your own blog and send me the link as usual. Please include the phrase “What I Learned From…” in your post title.
My Entry Added at the Eleventh Hour
Well, I barely made it into the project, e-mailing my entry at pretty near the eleventh hour! But, as they say, "Woo-hoo, I'm in!" (Do they really say that?) At any rate, if you'd like to read it, you'll find my entry, What I Learned From 2007--Jeanne Dininni, at the Zone. I highly recommend you check out the other entries, as well--and while you're at it, bookmark Robert's site, because it's definitely one you'll want to visit again and again. Why that rascal is already planning his next WILF project, which you won't want to miss. Maybe you might even decide to join in the next time around! If you do, I guarantee you'll have a ball!
Here's to learning!
Jeanne
Did you enjoy this post? Sure hope so! Have you checked out Robert's Blogapalooza Extravaganza? (See, I told you it was fun!) We'd love to hear your thoughts about the project!
Fraudulent E-Mail Received Today
Here's the latest fraudulent "PayPal" e-mail I've received. This e-mail shows one of the most recent schemes used by scammers to steal our identities and our money!
In particular, note the following:
~The blank "to" line
~The generic greeting of "Dear PayPal Member," instead of PayPal's usual "Dear Jeanne Dininni"
~The "encrypted" link. This link is supposedly encrypted to protect me--but in reality, it's encrypted so I won't realize that the link doesn't take me to the real PayPal website!
~The sly psychological tactic used to get me to click the link:
Note:
If you haven't authorized this charge ,click the link below to dispute transaction
and get full refund
~The scammer's clever attempt at gaining my confidence by including a description of the high-level encryption technique supposedly used to protect my confidential information
The Spoof Message
fromPayPal < dispute@paypal.com >*
reply-toservice@paypal.com,
to
dateDec 5, 2007 12:29 AM
subjectThanks for using your bank account!
hide details 12:29 AM (10 hours ago) Reply
Dear PayPal Member,
This email confirms that you have sent an eBay payment of $47.85 USD to
[undisclosed]@yahoo.com for an eBay item.
----------------------------- ------
Payment Details
----------------------------- ------
Amount: $47.85 USD
Transaction ID: 2LC956793J776333Y
Subject: Digimax 130
Note:
If you haven't authorized this charge ,click the link below to dispute transaction
and get full refund
Dispute transaction (Encrypted Link )
*SSL connection:
PayPal automatically encrypts your confidential information
in transit from your computer to ours using the Secure
Sockets Layer protocol (SSL) with an encryption key length
of 128-bits (the highest level commercially available)
----------------------------- ------
Item Information
----------------------------- ------
eBay User ID: scratchandgnaw2
----------------------------- ----------------------------- ------
Edward Harrell's UNCONFIRMED Address
----------------------------- ----------------------------- ------
Edward Harrell
211 David St.
Springtown, TX 76082
United States
Important Note: Edward Harrell has provided an Unconfirmed Address. If
you are planning on shipping items to Edward Harrell, please check the
Transaction Details page of this payment to find out whether you will
be covered by the PayPal Seller Protection Policy.
----------------------------- ----------------------------- ------
This payment was sent using your bank account.
By using your bank account to send money, you just:
- Paid easily and securely
- Sent money faster than writing and mailing paper checks
- Paid instantly -- your purchase won't show up on bills at the end of
the month.
Thanks for using your bank account!
----------------------------- ----------------------------- ------
Thank you for using PayPal!
The PayPal Team
PayPal Email ID PP118
Forewarned Is Forearmed!
Beware! These scammers are all around us, and they are continuously dreaming up new schemes to fool us into giving away our critical personal information! Don't fall for their lies--or into their clutches! Read every official-looking e-mail very carefully and critically. If anything seems odd, don't respond! If the e-mail claims to be from PayPal, forward it to spoof@paypal.com. Forward other e-mails to the company they claim to have come from. Protect yourself! Don't let e-mail fraud catch you unawares!
To your safety,
Jeanne
* NOTE: I had to modify the formatting of this e-mail address to prevent Orble's software from turning the (opening) "<" and "d" into a smiley face icon. (This is why I've placed a space after the [opening] "<". For balance, I've also placed a corresponding space before the [closing] ">".)
This is not a sponsored post.
Did you enjoy this post? Learn anything new? Have any stories to share? Please feel free to comment!
A Trick that Can Save You Time and Work
While the month is young, I thought I'd share a little trick I came up with that can help those bloggers who like to prepare link posts recognizing their previous month's commenters each month. Though I've already shared much of this info in a response to a comment on my November link love post, I've decided to give the topic a post of its own to make sure everyone is able to read it, because it's really a very helpful technique, which can save a great deal of time, energy, and effort.
These link posts can be a bit of work; but I've discovered a way to make them practically a breeze:
Start Early!
Instead of waiting till the month is over, I begin preparing the post early in the month. First, I copy the links from the prior month into a new post, which I set to go live on the first of the next month. As readers begin leaving comments, I start moving their links up to the top of the page, leaving the others at the bottom to use later if they comment again during that month. If someone comments who didn't last month, I prepare a link and add it to the top list. (I leave a good-sized space between the top and bottom lists, to prevent confusion.)
Spread Your Work Out Over the Entire Month
Throughout the month, every time someone leaves a comment, I either move their link up or create a link for them and add it to the top list. Then, when the first of the month rolls around, I delete any links that remain at the bottom of the page (those who haven't commented during the past month), and I have all my links ready! All I need to do is write the rest of the post and click "Create Post" and I'm good to go with a minimum of work and hassle!
Save Yourself Two Big Jobs!
This month is the first time I've done it this way, and it has worked like a charm! No more big burden creating all those links at once on the first of the month--which is a really huge undertaking! It also saves me the trouble of having to go through an entire month's worth of posts to check and see who's left comments during the month, which is, in itself, a big job.
Schedule Your Link Listing to Suit Yourself
This needn't actually be done every single time someone comments, but can be done after a few comments or perhaps once-a-day--as long as you don't wait long enough to forget anyone who's commented since you've last added links to your list. If things begin getting a bit confusing and you're having trouble remembering who's commented, you've probably waited too long; and you might want to start adding links each time someone comments. Do whatever works best for you!
Create Easier Link Posts in 2008!
Hope this will save each of you a great deal of work when you write your next link love post--and maybe even inspire some of you to begin writing them for the first time in 2008! When done this way, they aren't hard to do, at all!
Happy linking!
Jeanne
This is not a sponsored post.
Did you enjoy this post? Was it helpful? Have any thoughts to share? Please feel free to comment!
A Thoughtful Post That Strikes a Chord
Successful Blog's Advice for a Successful Life
Liz Strauss has a new post on her blog today called Positively Me, and it positively struck a chord with...me. In fact, it got me thinking about the amazingly potent effect that mindset exerts on all of us and how daring to break the mold of our past self-limiting thought patterns can be incredibly freeing.
This post describes a journey from limiting thought to freeing thought—a journey that every one of us is free to take once we've made up our minds that the place where we are today is not the place we want to be—or rather not the place we're willing to stay—but we're ready to move on. As Liz asks, "Do I have to keep listening to those ideas? Do I have to keep believing them?" The answer, I think, is "No." Here's my journey:
My Journey to Becoming Positively Me
Choosing Hurtful Emotions
I used to believe that other people—through their attitudes, actions, emotions, and words—had the inalienable right to dictate my own. Where that belief came from, I can’t really say. But, thankfully, I’ve learned a lot since then. Yet, I needed to walk that road just long enough to begin to see, with gradually increasing clarity, that my own attitudes, actions, and words—as well as my very emotions—were largely mine to choose, and that I myself had chosen the hurtful, destructive, and limiting ones over the healthy, nurturing, life-affirming, and freeing ones.
Absorbing Negative Energy
Prior to my “awakening,” my emotions were at the beck and call of anyone who saw fit to wreak psychological havoc on the closest vulnerable individual—who usually happened to be me. In those days, my entire day could be ruined by an unkind word, an angry glance, an “intentional” slight, or a sullen silence. My calling in life seemed to be to absorb and internalize the negative energy that others sent my way. (As I think back on it now, I realize that much of that negative e |
Comments (12)
Add Comments
