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WritersNotes.Net: Helping Writers Follow Their Dreams Through Information, Inspiration, and Encouragement!
Update On My Situation
Most of you are aware that, due to my mom's illness and my caregiving responsibilities, I've been unable to post much at Writer's Notes over the past few months. Some may also be aware of the latest development in my situation; but for those who aren't, I'd like to share an update: My dear, sweet, precious mother passed away Sunday, May 17th, at the age of 82, after a shockingly short, fierce battle with an unusually fast-progressing form of Alzheimer's, which devastated both mind and body before finally taking her life.
It's been a very sad time for my family and me and an extremely hard thing to watch this insidious disease wreak its devastation on a woman who was always so sharp, alert, detail-oriented, meticulous, and exacting before its onset--to watch her gradually (though rapidly) lose her ability to reason, communicate, walk, feed (or do anything else for) herself, and eventually even lose the ability to eat or drink (even through a straw) and even when fed by others.
I hope my description of the end-stages of this hellish disease isn't too graphic for my readers' sensibilities, but I believe that many (like me) were not previously aware of the true nature of Alzheimer's and just how devastating it can be. Prior to my own experience with this medical monster, I didn't know that it was a fatal disease and naively thought it always took years and years to develop and that its effects were limited to cognitive impairment, wandering and becoming lost, and other similar difficulties. I soon learned, though, that that isn't the half of it.
Dispelling the Widespread Myths About Alzheimer's
The following quote from the Alzheimer's Myths page of the Alzheimer's Association website addresses the reality of Alzheimer's--a reality of which most people are unaware:
Myth 2: Alzheimer’s disease is not fatal.
Reality: Alzheimer's disease has no survivors. It destroys brain cells and causes memory changes, erratic behaviors and loss of body functions. It slowly and painfully takes away a person's identity, ability to connect with others, think, eat, talk, walk and find his or her way home.
I hope this eye-opening information won't be too shocking to my readers, but I do feel it very important to dispel the myths that lull us into complacency about this devastating disease--making us ill-equipped to face it when it enters our lives. (For the other seven myths listed on the website, along with their rebuttals, visit the above link.)
Knowledge Equals Power to Prepare
The truth is that many people live many years with Alzheimer's, and in its earlier stages it rarely, if ever, wreaks the devastation that its later stages bring. Many Alzheimer's patients live reasonably happy lives for years. Yet, it's also important to be aware that this isn't always the case and to be prepared in the eventuality that we or our loved ones face a more aggressive, faster-moving variety.
There are drugs that can slow the progression of Alzheimer's somewhat if taken early enough in the disease process, though their effect is temporary, they only work for about half the people who take them, and that effect only lasts on average about 6 to 12 months. These facts are also addressed on the Alzheimer's Myths page of the Association's website (found at the link presented earlier in this post.)
This insidious disease snuck up on me, and by the time I realized what was happening, so much ground had already been lost. Then, it progressed at super speed like a horror movie video set to "fast forward," never allowing me to achieve (or regain) my equilibrium as a daughter, companion, caregiver, "nurse," or friend. In short, it was a nightmare, and I would hate to see this same nightmare come upon you unawares.
Please educate yourself about Alzheimer's, because you simply never know when it might strike someone you know and love--and when it does, there's absolutely no way of knowing for certain how much (or how little) time you have left.
Thanks so much for reading!
Jeanne
P.S. I'd planned to provide a link to a writing-related website as part of this post (since this is, after all, a writing blog); but, due to the serious and emotional nature of the above message, I've decided to hold off and provide that link in a separate post. When I first began penning the above post, I wasn't absolutely certain how much I would reveal about my mom's death or the precise manner in which that revelation would evolve. But, since I felt it so important to share and prepare my readers for the possibility of meeting Alzheimer's head on in the future, it seemed inappropriate and anticlimactic to follow my appeal with something so mundane as a link to a freelancing website. I hope that no one minds and that all will be patient until I can get the next post up. Thanks so much for your understanding.
My Entry to the Middle Zone Musings Group Writing Project
The following is my entry to the MZM "What I Learned From...People" group writing project. I thought this was a particularly appropriate time to post this story, since its topic is illness, which is something my family has become very intimately involved with of late. Be sure to check out the other entries to Robert's writing project once he posts the links tomorrow, Monday. (It's still Sunday here in America.) I'm sure you'll learn a great deal from everyone's shared wisdom!
A Great Concept to Explore
Though it's basically too late to enter the group project, you might nevertheless consider using Robert's "What I Learned From...People" concept as a writing prompt to exercise your writing "muscles." It's bound to foster some real insight as you explore the experience you choose to write about. And it goes without saying that this exercise would make a great blog post--even without entering it into the writing project. You might even use the idea as the basis for a magazine or online article about a person you've learned something from, and make a little money in the process.
My Entry
What I Learned From a Physician With an Atrocious Bedside Manner
People can be fantastic teachers—whether or not they actually intend to be!
A Very Sick Family
More years ago than I care to count, when my oldest child was about four years old or so, our entire family became very ill: Mom, Dad, and children numbers One, Two, and Three. That was a lot of sick people to have in one house, believe me! We had such bad coughs that we could barely sleep at night, and our stomach muscles were so sore from coughing that we thought we’d die if something wasn’t done about it soon.
We were too sick to go to the pharmacy, and being new in town, we didn’t have our own doctor yet. Well, between sneezes, wheezes, and coughing fits, I did a little research and managed to find a pharmacy that actually delivered. (That, in itself was a small miracle!) I then chose a doctor’s name from the phone book and called his office, prepared to beg, if need be, to get my family some much-needed medicine to help get us through this horrendous illness.
A Compassionate Medical Assistant
As it turned out, I didn’t have to beg. It was late in the day and apparently the good doctor had already left. But his friendly, helpful, and compassionate assistant happened to be working that afternoon. (And as I would later learn after actually meeting the doctor, that was, for us, a large miracle.) I explained our situation to him, and he was very concerned. He agreed to phone in a prescription to the pharmacy which would then deliver it to us. I thanked him profusely between sneezes. I could hardly believe our good fortune!
Soon we had our medicine and some much-needed relief. We were ecstatic (at least as ecstatic as you can be when you’re down for the count with the world’s worst cold.) But our joy was to be short-lived.
Complications
Soon, I noticed that my oldest son was developing an angry red rash all over his body, along with a frighteningly high fever. After putting him into the bathtub, splashing him with tepid water to bring down his temperature, and doing everything else humanly possible to make him comfortable, I consulted Dr. Benjamin Spock. (Well, not personally—but through his book, Baby and Child Care. While I never went in for his permissiveness “gospel,” his advice always did come in handy where my children’s physical health was concerned.)
Through that well-known paperback book, I soon discovered what was wrong with my son: he had scarlet fever! There was no question in my mind! It was obvious! At any rate, I knew we needed to visit the doctor. By that time, we’d used up all the cough medicine the doctor’s assistant had prescribed, and we were once again coughing uncontrollably and feeling quite miserable.
Doctor’s Visit
Who better to call than the doctor whose assistant had so kindly helped us, I thought. (It seemed to make sense at the time.) I was so naïve in those days that I even thought that carrying in the huge empty bottle that had once contained codeine cough syrup would somehow lend credence to our illness, since his assistant had seen fit to prescribe it for my terribly ill and suffering family. I couldn’t have been more wrong. (But I’m wiser today because of it.) However, I was hardly prepared for the reception and treatment I actually received when I arrived at this doctor’s office.
Contentious Diagnosis
On carrying my son into the examining room, I set him down on the examining table and said, “I think my son has scarlet fever,” to which the doctor unceremoniously replied something to the effect of, “I’ll be the one to tell you what he has.” (I was a bit taken aback by his unfriendly demeanor.) He seemed annoyed that I might actually know what was wrong with my son.
He examined him and guess what he had, folks: yes, it was scarlet fever; yet this doctor wasn’t about to leave it at that. He actually accused me of trying to tell him how to practice medicine. Can you believe it? (Now, mind you, I hadn’t walked in boldly declaring that I knew beyond any doubt what was wrong with my son—or what the doctor should do about it [other than bringing in the empty cough syrup bottle, foolish as that was]—but had actually quite meekly stated what I thought was wrong with him. And though I really was all but sure I was right, I didn’t come across that way—at least not to anyone with a normal-sized ego.)
Insult to Injury
To add insult to injury (and this physician epitomized that unpleasant offense), despite the fact that I was coughing right in front of him there in the office, he refused to refill the prescription for the cough syrup that actually worked and that would have saved us so much misery over the coming days, telling me in no uncertain terms that he was writing one for Robitussin, which would, of course, never work for a cough such as we had. (I know, it was partly my fault for handing him the empty cough syrup bottle; but I believe he should have known what medication was the correct one for the problem. And who writes a prescription for Robitussin, anyway?)
Attitude Is Everything
I also know something else: his attitude was uncalled for, and that wasn’t my fault. He was unfriendly, uncompassionate, judgmental, and (dare I say it?) unprofessional. That was a very stressful time for my family and me. I was concerned about my son and the rest of my still-sick family, I was still sick myself, and I didn’t even have enough money to take a cab back home (as I had on the way in) but would be spending the last of my money to catch the bus home with my very sick son, which promised to be a long and strenuous trip on the small-town bus system where the buses didn’t run very often. It was an ordeal I dreaded, as I sat there in his office, feeling quite forlorn. But, did he show any concern? None whatsoever.
Insult Number Two
Aside from all of the above, do you know what this doctor said to me, when I told him that I’d had to take a cab to his office—which was quite a distance from where we lived and which I certainly couldn’t afford. “Your son is worth it.” But this wasn't a compassionate statement spoken on behalf of my son; it was a judgmental barb meant to point out what a bad mother I must be for even mentioning it.
Perhaps I should say, in his defense, that he didn’t know that I couldn’t afford the cab fare I’d spent to get there or that I didn’t have enough money to take a cab back home and that I’d be spending my last few dollars to even return home on the bus. But somehow I don’t really think it would have mattered to him, because, you see, he’d already made up his mind about me; and for some reason that to this day I don’t really understand, he simply didn’t like me.
Painful Experiences Teach Us Lessons
This was a painful experience for me, in part because it’s always difficult to be misjudged and misunderstood by others and in part because it’s even more difficult to be mistreated, by them, as well. But I have learned a few things from the experience. Here they are:
1. First Impressions Count; Give Yours a Little Advance Thought
Think about the impression you will make upon a total stranger if you do or say the thing you’re planning. It may seem, from your perspective, to be fine. It may even seem to be the right thing. But it may not seem so right from the other person’s point of view, and may in fact cause the person—who, after all, doesn’t have the benefit of knowing you—to think less of you.
So, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see the situation as that person would. The exercise could prove quite revealing—and could save you untold misery. (Case in point: If I’d thought ahead about what it might look like to a doctor who didn’t know me to see me walk in with a large, empty codeine cough medicine bottle—that he had neither prescribed nor okayed—asking for a refill, I likely would have left the bottle at home.)
2. People Will Misjudge Your Motives; Explain Yourself
Those who don’t know you have nothing on which to base a judgment which attributes pure motives to your words or actions. They haven’t had the opportunity to learn to trust you, and therefore they will judge the things you say and do in a vacuum—well, not a complete vacuum, since, as we know, we all evaluate everything we see and hear through the filter of our own personal beliefs, experiences, and/or prejudices.
So, be prepared when people misjudge and misunderstand you, and do your best to act and speak in ways that will help to dispel those myths about your malevolent motives. This might include speaking up when necessary to explain some things that the other person may not understand about you or your circumstances (as in my concern about having spent most of the last of my money on cab fare to get my son to the doctor.)
3. Many People Are Prepared to Think the Worst of You; Prove Them Wrong
There actually are people who are constantly on the lookout for every negative thing they can discover—or dream up—about you and completely prepared to make the most of it at your expense. They may be arrogant, insensitive individuals with inflexible ideas who think they have a monopoly on wisdom and therefore have the world and everyone in it—you included—figured out.
Once they’ve made up their mind about you, they’ll sometimes go out of their way to be rude, sarcastic, and demeaning in their treatment of you, and you’ll have a tough time trying to convince them that they are wrong about you. Do, try, though. But, if the person is so inflexible that you’re simply unable to succeed, don’t take it to heart. (Easier said than done, I know.) But do your best to ignore it and move on. (In this case, I definitely took it to heart—and to be honest, it still hurts today, if I let it get the better of me.)
4. Experts/Professionals Do Not Always Enjoy Being Told Something by Common Folks; Ask, Don't Tell
Many professionals have quite large egos and can’t handle having us lowly peons take the wind out of their sails by informing them that we already knew what they’d hoped to impress us with by telling us themselves. Many—though by no means all—professionals, including doctors and lawyers, seem to believe that all their patients/clients are ignorant and uninformed about medicine or law, simply because they don’t have “MD” or “Esquire” after their names. This is too bad, as many of us engage in extensive research to learn what we need to know about our situations and are actually quite well-informed about these matters.
There’s little we can do with the egotistical professional, except perhaps speak our minds in a confident yet humble manner, deferring to their greater expertise, possibly by expressing our thoughts and concerns but asking their opinions. Should we disagree with their opinions, it would probably be best to do so through the roundabout route of asking questions rather than declaring our disagreement. Be prepared for the fact that this will not always work, though, in which case you may simply need to make that visit your last visit. (In my case, my first visit to this doctor was indeed my last.)
5. Be Thankful that Truly Unfriendly People Are in the Minority, And Appreciate the Friendly Ones
Meeting people like these always brings a greater appreciation for those who aren’t that way—or at least it should. It’s important to remember that while dealing with such abrasive and uncaring individuals is highly unpleasant, they are, thankfully, in the minority and our bad experiences with them can always be balanced against the good experiences we’ve had with other, more caring people (like the esteemed doctor’s compassionate young assistant who had stepped forward to help us when we were so badly in need of his help.)
Calling those more heartwarming experiences to mind more often, rather than dwelling on the heart-wrenching ones, can help renew our faith in our fellow man and counterbalance the great unpleasantness we’ve experienced in our dealings with the negative minority.
Hopefully, you've learned a few things along with me, as you've read my story of "What I Learned From...People".
Thanks so much for reading!
Jeanne
Did you enjoy this post? Have anything to add or any of your own wisdom-inducing experiences with other people to share? We'd love to hear from you!
A Trick that Can Save You Time and Work
While the month is young, I thought I'd share a little trick I came up with that can help those bloggers who like to prepare link posts recognizing their previous month's commenters each month. Though I've already shared much of this info in a response to a comment on my November link love post, I've decided to give the topic a post of its own to make sure everyone is able to read it, because it's really a very helpful technique, which can save a great deal of time, energy, and effort.
These link posts can be a bit of work; but I've discovered a way to make them practically a breeze:
Start Early!
Instead of waiting till the month is over, I begin preparing the post early in the month. First, I copy the links from the prior month into a new post, which I set to go live on the first of the next month. As readers begin leaving comments, I start moving their links up to the top of the page, leaving the others at the bottom to use later if they comment again during that month. If someone comments who didn't last month, I prepare a link and add it to the top list. (I leave a good-sized space between the top and bottom lists, to prevent confusion.)
Spread Your Work Out Over the Entire Month
Throughout the month, every time someone leaves a comment, I either move their link up or create a link for them and add it to the top list. Then, when the first of the month rolls around, I delete any links that remain at the bottom of the page (those who haven't commented during the past month), and I have all my links ready! All I need to do is write the rest of the post and click "Create Post" and I'm good to go with a minimum of work and hassle!
Save Yourself Two Big Jobs!
This month is the first time I've done it this way, and it has worked like a charm! No more big burden creating all those links at once on the first of the month--which is a really huge undertaking! It also saves me the trouble of having to go through an entire month's worth of posts to check and see who's left comments during the month, which is, in itself, a big job.
Schedule Your Link Listing to Suit Yourself
This needn't actually be done every single time someone comments, but can be done after a few comments or perhaps once-a-day--as long as you don't wait long enough to forget anyone who's commented since you've last added links to your list. If things begin getting a bit confusing and you're having trouble remembering who's commented, you've probably waited too long; and you might want to start adding links each time someone comments. Do whatever works best for you!
Create Easier Link Posts in 2008!
Hope this will save each of you a great deal of work when you write your next link love post--and maybe even inspire some of you to begin writing them for the first time in 2008! When done this way, they aren't hard to do, at all!
Happy linking!
Jeanne
This is not a sponsored post.
Did you enjoy this post? Was it helpful? Have any thoughts to share? Please feel free to comment!
Another Attempt at Identity--Or Money--Theft via E-Mail
I received yet another fraudulent, or phishing, e-mail a few days ago that I thought I'd share with you to help you avoid being taken advantage of, as well as to expose the unscrupulous individuals who engage in these illegal internet activities. (I seriously entertained the thought of leaving the return e-mail address in but decided that that would be irresponsible on my part, since it could cause problems for anyone who might decide to send these con artists an e-mail; so I've instead reproduced their e-mail address as "[undisclosed]mail.com.")
An Unbelievably Poor Attempt at Separating Me from My Money
The text of the blatantly phishing-oriented e-mail follows:
From International Paying Bank ipbn2008@[undisclosed]mail.com Nov 9 (3 days ago)
reply-to ipbn2006@[undisclosed]mail.com,
to
date Nov 9, 2007 1:46 PM
subject CHEQUE REMITTANCE RESPONSE REQUIRED!!!
ATTN:
With reference to your yet to be transferred inheritance funds in the
STB/ETB Banks in Lagos, after due consideration of the fact that you had
not been able to claim your rightful inheritance which from our datas
gotten from the Central Bank of Nigeria is $750,000 an inheritance claim
before the end of the last quarter of the year 2005, the Federal Ministry
of Finance has decided that all beneficiaries who have not fulfilled all
paperwork request for the
release of his/her inheritance funds to his/her nominated account,
should be transferred to the International Paying Bank of Nigeria.
The IPBN has been advised to pay you instalmentally,through NATWEST
BANK UK PLC starting with the sum of $250,000.00 (TWO HUNDRED AND
FIFY THOUSAND US Dollars) strictly by certified cheque , which will be
debited from the Government's foriegn account with NatWest bank UK
clearable every 3month after drawn airmarked for payment in the Fourth
quarter of 2007.
The cheque will be sent to the contact address you will provide to us.
The check will be sent to you via our official courier,FEDEX, to your
designated contact address . As soon as we receive your response: a
confirmation that you have received this message and you are willing to
receive the cheque, the cheque will be sent to your contact address. We
will require the following information from you to prepare the cheque
immediately in your name:
Beneficiary Full Name:
Contact ADDRESS :
Telephone Number:
Your response will be highly appreciated.
Best Regards,
Mrs Martha Kartaka
Depty. Remittance Director
E-MAIL: ipbn2006@[undisclosed]mail.com
International Paying Bank[IPBN] [SUBSIDIARY OF THE CBN]
When Greed Overcomes Common Sense, Potential Victims BenefitThe one good thing about most of the individuals who engage in this sort of identity-theft attempt is that they seem to be totally oblivious to some of the more ridiculous aspects of their scams, such as the following: 1. If they were writing to inform me of a legitimate inheritance that awaited me at their bank, they would most certainly know my name! The fact that they not only don't address me by name (see blank "ATTN" line), but that the e-mail isn't even addressed to me (see blank "to" line [more on this later]--and to a slightly lesser extent, the fact that they ask for my name along with the rest of my contact info near the bottom of the e-mail--are a dead giveaway that this e-mail is a scam, and a very poorly conceived one, at that. 2. As mentioned in point #1, the e-mail is not only not addressed to me, but the "to" line is completely blank. These people weren't even sophisticated enough to attempt to hide the fact that this e-mail was likely sent to an entire list of hidden e-mail addresses via BCCs (Blind Carbon Copies). More savvy fraudsters generally put an e-mail address in the "to" line as a cover, to lend the e-mail an air of legitimacy --though this is still a dead giveaway to those alert enough to notice that someone else's e-mail address is in the "to" line and who know that this isn't just an innocent mistake but a clue that fraud is the intent of the e-mail. 3. Not only is the e-mail atrociously written--note particularly the word "airmarked," which should be "earmarked"--but its formatting is also horrendous. This highly unprofessional--and equally embarrassing--presentation is a real indicator that the e-mail did not come from a legitimate banking entity. 4. It's extremely doubtful that any bank which had a $750,000 inheritance to deliver to me would ever contact me via e-mail. (That idea is actually almost laughable.) In fact, it's highly doubtful that the bank would contact me at all. I'd far more likely receive a letter from a legitimate law firm via snail mail--or perhaps international air mail, if from another country. May Many Other Con Artists Follow their "Shining" Example!No doubt there are other clues to the illegitimacy of this e-mail which I haven't had time to delve into yet. But these four certainly suffice to warn potential victims of the true nature of this message and others like it. Thankfully, these aspiring fraudsters have shot themselves in the foot in more ways than one with their sorry excuse for a scam. And we can only hope that many more e-mail con artists will follow in their footsteps and do as bad a job at phishing as they have done in attempting to hook their victims! Don't Let Down Your Guard! Protect Your Identity--and Your Money!Yet, the fact that many--if not most--scammers are very poor at what they do is not a good reason to let down your guard. Stay alert! Watch out for those unscrupulous individuals who seek every opportunity they can find or create to steal your identity so they can part you and your money! They are everywhere--and they aren't likely to give up any time soon! We writers--along with many others--work very hard for our money; and we don't do it so we can give it away to those who have nothing better to do all day than sit around thinking up ways to steal other people's money!
Keep your identity--and your money--safe!
Jeanne Did you enjoy this post? Learn anything? Have any insights to share? Please comment!
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